Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize