im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
