8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize