Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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