Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
