Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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