I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
