I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
