hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
