It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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