I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
