Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
