WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
