you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
