my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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