so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
