What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
