there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
