The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
