matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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