I think my vagina is haunted
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
