if i can run in heels then i can drive
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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