i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Are my feet made of real feet?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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