Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
