You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
