What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
