jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
