apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
