M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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