the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
