we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
