I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
