Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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