So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
