i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
