so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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