Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
