Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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