I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
