You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
