Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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