Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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