I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
