cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
