you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
