I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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