DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
