what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
