OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
