oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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