Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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