Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
