I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
