I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
