There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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