It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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