i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize