Whod you bang
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
