I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
