You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
