It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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