Im at strip club and am horny
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
