New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
