I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
