Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
