i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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