you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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