Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
