I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize