youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
