Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
